I Wanted My Son To Reject Masculine Stereotypes: My thoughts sunk into darkness when my kid Avishai turned two years old and desired only tractor clothes. I envisaged worst-case situations in which he succumbed to stereotypically macho temptations. I pictured him ripping through super-muscled foes. In the scorching July sun, he tended to his sports car. My bias increased when I became a stay-at-home dad three and a half years ago.
My son was born in the bedroom of my Albany, New York apartment. As soon as he arrived, we snuggled him to our bare chests. My wife joked shortly after giving birth that she had a connection to our new kid that I would never have since men can’t bond with infants as women can. Her remark hurt, but I knew she was correct. To me, femininity was synonymous with empathy and sympathy, whereas masculinity was synonymous with coldness. A man hugged another man. Men raged because I love you. Aggressive. Parents make mistakes. I became resolute. I was going to form a bond stronger than any parent’s, but I told myself I couldn’t do anything macho.
I left my job as a social worker to pursue my dream of working as a full-time caretaker. It made sense because my wife earned more money and I was used to dealing with children because it was my work. I fed, held, and soothed Avishai every day. We slept next to one other, with his head on my chest and his ears on my heartbeat. I joined mommy-and-me playgroups and scowled at other caregivers who made jokes about my daddy-day-care arrangement. I despised the way society treated parents as if they couldn’t care for their children (therefore putting pressure on women to do so) — but I regarded dads in the same light.
It improved my Stereotype-making Skills:
Despite this, remarks about guys not being able to change a diaper made me shiver. I grimaced at anyone driving a Ford, the John Wayne of automobiles. If a wrench or other tool was mentioned, it was a snub to the guys in Felt nauseated. I concealed it in Avishai’s wardrobe when my mother-in-law got him a coverall with footballs on it.
It’s not like I had an awful father figure growing up. My father worked 60 hours a week as an interior decorator at Deitcher’s Wallpaper and Design Center. My father was the breadwinner, but my mother made the majority of the family decisions. My father was not afraid to step over boundaries. I received numerous hugs and I love you. He, like my mother, despised sports but enjoyed Hallmark movies. After his staff began selling home manicure kits as a side business, my father spent evenings beautifying his nails. When my son was old enough to walk, I took him around the park in a stroller with his baby doll. It was fantastic to have a babysitter who reflected on my actions.
Then there were the tractors. It all started on YouTube. I’d place Avishai in front of the TV and play “Little Baby Bum” to unwind. I was too exhausted to notice his tractor tunes. When he asked to see clips of construction equipment, I hit play. But I felt bad when he asked for the shirts. Blending genders is something I enjoy doing. I wished him the best of luck. To appease me, I had to pick between buying him clothes with heavy machinery graphics and forcing him to wear shirts with fluffy creatures.
I stocked shelves and mixed paint while in high school, but my father treated the task as if it were in our blood, never giving us specific directions. My father was irritated because I measured the size of the window treatments differently than he did. My body shook every time I attempted manual labor.
Beginning of the Career
After graduation, I promised to never hang another picture frame. My father understood I didn’t want to run the store, but he pushed me to pursue degrees that he thought would be beneficial to me. He made it clear that my pastime was not a profession. So I began in computer science and then switched to business. My father eventually gave up after years of failing to steer me in the right direction and began supporting me to follow my goals. After that, I realized who I was supposed to be. When I became a stay-at-home parent, my father kvelled, a Yiddish term that means “proud.”
It doesn’t make me special because I’m a stay-at-home parent who defies gender stereotypes. In his time, my father redefined manhood. Today’s youth pushes the envelope even further. Fathers are increasingly doing the cleaning, grocery shopping, and cooking. According to the Pew Research Center, the number of stay-at-home dads is on the rise. According to the study, fatherhood is an important element of their identities.
I couldn’t understand why my son was so interested in tractors, and I attempted to steer him away from tractor videos and clothing. This reminded me of my father’s reluctance to trust my desires, and how we grew closer as a result. To interact with my son, I became a stay-at-home dad, which meant allowing him to pursue his own hobbies. He had to forge his own identity, free of my preconceived notions of manhood.
I started to feel the same way he did. Diggers, dozers, and excavators are all printed on his clothing. He can name dozens of tractor models at the age of three and a half (I always thought there was only one). He tells and sings tractor stories that are almost nonsense. We both tidy the living room, and he keeps his toys in his tractors. We move tiny plastic machines around the house when my father comes to visit. He’s all smiles. Dad smiles. I feel the same way.
As a result of the consumption of Gendered Media
children are given a limited view of themselves and the world around them. Princesses must be played by girls, who must save the day while also serving as objects of desire. Girls’ increased focus on their physical appearance and value as sexual objects; more accepting attitudes toward sexual harassment; the development of gendered norms in romantic and sexual relationships; riskier behavior in boys; and career options restricted by gender norms are just a few of the negative effects of gendered media on children.
Teacher role models have a big influence on how kids think about their own abilities and self-worth, and it’s for parents and caregivers to pass down the family’s gender standards. Gender stereotypes can be reinforced or disrupted in the classroom by our words, behavior, and curriculum choices. As children get older, their perceptions of gender norms and stereotypes alter. Teachers in all grades can encourage positive gender representations by presenting counter-stereotypes, interacting with students about gendered content, and teaching students how to critically evaluate media in their daily lives.
Gender-based violence can be prevented and addressed by a range of focused programs, such as ending child marriage, ending female genital mutilation, creating safe places, promoting menstrual health, providing HIV/AIDS medication, and meeting other psychosocial needs. As a result, we fund cutting-edge techniques that help even the most marginalized young women feel safe and supported, such as virtual safe spaces and apps that connect domestic violence victims with local resources for assistance.
